{ Roman’s first year & What the first year really felt like }

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Oh sweet Roman, I cannot believe this is it. You are no longer a baby but a toddler. I never thought this would come so soon and I cant help fight my tears back even as I’m typing this! 

July 3, 2018 was your due date. I remember the days as they came and went and you had no intentions on making your appearance yet. I remember driving around with my hospital bag and even getting dropped off at work in case I needed to be picked up to head straight to the hospital. In my head I just really believed you’d come early.  

I finally had to schedule getting induced because who knows how much longer you’d be making yourself comfortable in there. To be honest I dont blame you, life inside my belly I’m sure was nice. You were with me all the time, you ate well, and it was nice and cozy inside I’m sure.

July 9, 2018 you finally joined our family and we got to see your beautiful face.  You had these gorgeous big blue eyes and the chubbiest cheeks. Your hair was fluffy and dark and you were the most perfect baby your daddy and I have ever seen. 

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The first year came with so many beautiful memories, so many challenges, and so many lessons. I am so glad to have such an amazing life partner to help me get through all the ups and the downs. The first few months were emotionally rough for me. I had this constant sadness and fear of you getting older and thinking about you growing up, even though you were just a couple of days old. 

I was constantly trying to make sure everything is perfect, that you are okay, that I’m doing it all right. I worried about the food I consumed and how it affected you. I worried about you not burping fully before bed and potentially choking. Every little thing I was so scared about.  

No one truly prepares you for any of this and as a mother you just know you have to protect your little one and it was scary and hard to feel confident that what you’re doing is right. I also had these false expectations of what things should look like and how I should look like postpartum based on women I follow or see on Instagram, YouTube, and Facebook. My low self esteem really made those beginning months just such a sad time for me and I wish I could have enjoyed them more. 

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Month by month Roman, you became so much smarter. So strong and independent with everything you’d do. You learned things quickly and you really tried hard to get to the next step. Everything you learn, all it takes for you is to try it once and then you got it down. I remember the first time you stood up on your own in the pack and play and ever since that you’ve been a standing machine! There was no going back. You are such a sweet and silly little boy. Gosh I couldn’t have ever dreamt of a better son to have. God really knew your daddy and I needed YOU!  

You are so full of life and never stop moving. You’re probably the most active little guy I’ve ever seen. So busy all the time that mama is exhausted. You broke quite a few things in our house and my home decor surely took a hit too but our house now looks like a cute little day care and it makes you happy so I’m okay with that!  

I am so proud to be your mommy Roman! You are the most beautiful, loving, sweet, smart, little guy and I am so incredibly grateful for you in my life.  

Happy 1st birthday my stinky face, we all love you more than you’ll ever know! 💙

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